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How do you know when you like someone? If you’re like most people, it’s a gut feeling. You just “know.”

As a result, if you asked a man to explain why he was attracted to a woman, he would probably tell you the wrong answers. He would state that it was her personality or her smile or the way she laughed. But he didn’t make the decision to be attracted to her from his head; he felt it in his heart.

Most of us don’t tend to examinehow we form feelings of attraction. All we know is that we feel an irresistible force drawing us closer to another person.

Many more factors are at work in creating attraction than the obvious traits of appearance, personality, and sexual chemistry. Today, I’m going to share four crucial factors that create attraction and tell you what they mean for YOU.

First of all, let me clarify something. Attractiveness is not simply a measure of objectively “attractive” traits in a person. No one is ever attractive on their own; they’re always attractive TO someone. For example, when you look in the mirror, you decide whether or not you’re attractive to yourself. This doesn’t mean that someone else will look at you and judge your attractiveness in the same way.

Social psychology has determined that there are multiple factors that influence interpersonal attraction – and, lo and behold, physical attractiveness is only one of them.

1. Propinquity

The first factor is “propinquity,” which means that people tend to form relationships with others living nearby. For example, the chances of you starting a relationship with someone from Denmark are much lower than the chances of you starting a relationship with someone who lives in your town.

This has two implications. First of all, dismissing local men from your dating radar may not be a good idea. I know many women who will only date men who are NOT from their hometown. No matter what their opinions are about “local boys,” they’re certainly lowering their chances of finding a partner.

Second, you can decrease the distance between you and thousands of eligible men with the click of a button. That’s right: with the internet. Internet dating brings thousands of eligible singles into close contact, making geographical distance less of an obstacle.

2. Familiarity

The second factor is “familiarity,” also known as the “exposure effect.” This means that you tendto care about a person that you see more often, or that you’re familiar with. This explains why so many students and co-workers tend to form relationships: they see one another on a regular basis in the classroom or in the office.

For you, this means that you can increase your attractiveness to men by being a “regular.” Make a habit of going to the same cafés. Go to the gym at the same time every day. Join a club where you interact with the same people regularly. Become a familiar face, and soon you’ll find that men are more interested.

3. Similarity

This is a crucial attraction factor from a statistical point of view. According to “Sex in America: A Definitive Survey,” people tend to marry partners who are similar in age, in education, in religion, and in race or ethnic background.

We tend to marry people like us for a variety of reasons. Many partners tend to meet through their social network, which implies that they already have a good deal of things in common. Relationships based on a common set of values tend to face fewer conflicts when it comes to huge life decisions like childrearing.

What this means for you is twofold. First, you should recognize that focusing your dating efforts on meeting people with whom you already share something in common (like a hobby, a profession, or the same group of friends) will yield greater results than hoping to bump into the “perfect man” on the street, on the bus, or in a crowded nightclub.

Second, it is always best to play up your similarities rather than your differences when you first meet someone that you’re interested in. Find out what you have in common, even if it’s as basic as a similar taste in music, and build your conversation from that point.

4. Reciprocal liking

This is one of my favorite factors of attraction: it’s the theory that you can encourage someone’s interest in you simply by showing your interest in them.

We all know people who’ve liked us immensely since the moment they met us, and it’s nearly impossible not to likethem back. There’s something enormously flattering about being liked by someone, especially if they’re an attractive member of the opposite sex.

This principle raises doubts about the effectiveness of the “ice queen” technique, whereby women pretend to be aloof and indifferent in order to make men pursue them. There is no sound scientific research proving that it pays to act coldly, UNLESS the other person is super-attractive and used to women fawning all over him. For 90% of us, acting in friendly and interested manner will ignite a reciprocal liking.

So what should you do? Smile! Let a man know that you enjoy his company. For shy guys, or guys who are afraid of rejection, your display of interest will be exactly what he needs to get the courage to take your interaction to the next step.

Now that you understand some of the genuine factors that influence why people find each other attractive, you’re ready to find out how you can move beyond mere attractiveness to irresistibility. Find out more in my premium course on “How to Be Irresistible to Men.” You’ll discover how to work on a deeper level to increase your irresistible allure, attract love into your life, and heal baggage left from the past.

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