uHollywood

In 1946 my grandfather, the late, great Benny Bell, wrote and recorded a song called “Shaving Cream.” The song is an infectious novelty ditty that substitutes a world-famous expletive that begins with the letters sh with the much tamer phrase, ’shaving cream.’ It was very popular in ‘46 and was revived in 1975 by novelty broadcaster Dr. Demento and noted New York deejay Cousin Bruce Morrow. It made it onto the Billboard top 100 singles that year.

My grandfather always told me to do whatever I could to keep his somewhat irreverent and often nonsensical legacy alive after he was gone. So, shortly after he passed away, I asked him if I could update “Shaving Cream” with new lyrics for the 21st Century, and while he never actually said okay, he didn’t deny my request, either. So I did.

I wrote and copyrighted the new lyrics in 2005 and recorded it in front of a live audience. The tribute song received some airplay on the radio, building further interest in the fascinating life and career of Benny Bell, which makes the effort all the more worthwhile. Now it is my pleasure to share with Helium readers an abridged version of what I lovingly refer to as “Shaving Cream Redo.”

We all know the gov’nor named Arnold

Insightful, decisive and fit

His muscles are Biggerthan mountains

Imagine the size of his Shaving Cream

I marvel at Donald Trump’s lifestyle

On opulent thrones he can sit

He even has gold-plated toilets

But, sadly, not gold-plated Shaving Cream

I think Dr. Phil needs a check-up

He’s starting to sound like a twit

He thinks he is a Doctorof millions

I think he is aPhysician of Shaving Cream

With Ashley and Mary Kate grown now

They’re loaded with dough, they admit

We knew them since they were in diapers

Which were loaded with nothing but Shaving Cream

With Howard Stern’s satellite program

There’s nothing he has to omit

He’ll state all the words he once couldn’t

Like __ __ and __ __ and Shaving Cream

And now, folks, this version has ended

I hope it’s a big, monster hit

I told my wife I’m full of luck now

But she told me that I’m full of Shaving Cream

By the way, if you’d like to know why it is abridged, it’s because my original contained verses on Britany Spears having her babies (which have now been taken from her), Michael Jackson being acquitted of child molestation (which happened a while back, making room for some brand new charges), and various other curios of the last few years. Well, I guess I can always update the song every once in a while. Because while celebrities come and go, shaving cream always remains the same.